So naturally, it seems that a whole lot of patience is a definite requirement for any job in tech support. When you spend all day in what can be best described as teaching Kindergarten to fully grown adults, that much is obvious. It would seem to the casual observer that it would take the patience of a Zenmaster to be able to survive in technical support. It is true that some of these people could probably meditate right through a nuclear war, but is it possible that one can have too much patience for the job? Let's listen in on a call, and find out if this is true:
Zenmaster: Thank you for calling technical support. This is the Zenmaster. How may I enlighten you this fine day?
Caller: I don't want to be enlightned, I want my computer fixed!
Zenmaster: Patience, my son. Anger will get you nowhere.
Caller: And neither will talking to an idiot like you apparently. Cut the zen and help me fix my computer!
Zenmaster: Your computer is nothing. Does the ant complain if his computer is not working? No. All he needs is provided for him...
Caller: I said, cut the zen and fix my blasted computer!
Zenmaster: What is this computer that is the cause of so much unneeded frustration to you?
Caller: It has all the stuff I need for a multi-million dolar business deal, and it's not working! Juxt fix the friggin' thing you idiot!
Zenmaster: Patience, my son. All of man's creations will crumble to the dust. Money is of no importance.
Caller: All right, who's your boss? I'm not putting up with this any longer!
Zenmaster: I am led by nobody but myself. I control my own destinies.
Caller: This is ridiculous! If you don't fix my computer right now, I'm going to come over there and rip your throat right out of your head!
Zenmaster: So be it. I suppose that I may allow myself to attempt to repair this machine that you cling to like a dewdrop to a rose petal. What appears to be the problem?
Caller: Finally... And don't try to pull any more of that zen stuff on me, OK?
Zenmaster: Can the lotus blossom retain it's beauty without it's petals? Can the butterfly retain it's flight without it's wings?
Caller: I said, cut the Zen! What kind of idiot are you anyway?
Zenmaster: Please. Only those who are ignorant of their own insignificance resort to name-calling.
Caller: Well, you're not only ignorant, but you're also stupid.
Zenmaster: To quote the great philosopher Forrest Gump, "Stupis is as stupid does." Speaking of stupidity, what is this computer, and why does it trouble you so?
Caller: The stupid thing won't boot up. It keeps telling me that there's a "non-system disk or disk error."
Zenmaster: <mute>What a luser... probably left a disk in the drive again!</mute> Truly this can be a great lesson to you if you open your eyes and see the inward faults.
Caller: Why can't you just speak English for once? Is your brain fried or something?
Zenmaster: Can you not understand the words I speak? Truly you have no patience, my son. If you would just be patient, and learn the hidden meaning of that which I speak to you, you may gain enlightenment.
Caller: I don't care about your stupid enlightenment stuff, all I want is to get my computer fixed!
Zenmaster: Very well then. In order for me to fix this object that you so stubbornly insist on my help with, I will need you to bring it to me.
Caller:OK, but none of your stupid zen stuff, got it?
Zenmaster: You have my word. <mute>and my word is "luser!"</mute>
A little while later, the caller, like a lemming on his march toward the sea, brings his system in.
Zenmaster: I see that you have arrived, my son. I trust that your journey was a positive experience?
Luser: I came from two blocks away, and quit calling me your son! Just fix the blasted computer and give it back to me, okay?
Zenmaster: Patience. In order for this computer to be fixed, I require your undivided attention. Please hold this wire while I work, that it may not be in my way.
Luser: this better not be another one of your stupid tricks... HEY, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO MY COMPUTER!
Zenmaster:(Pulls out a chainsaw and slices through the computer repeatedly) This computer of yours is but a stumbling block in your path to enlightenment. It must be removed, and this is the only logical way.
Luser: YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (sound of several thousand volts coursing through the body of a clueless luser)
Zenmaster: And once again, a clueless and misguided luser has gained enlightenment, thanks to the teachings of the Zenmaster, and with that much electricity, it appears that he will be enlightened for days.
Then again, maybe having a Zenmaster working technical support may not be all that great an idea after all.