Once again, the big egos of the high-tech industry collided again last week as Sun decided once again to sue the pants off of Microsoft because the Java implementation in Internet Explorer 4.0 doesn't seem to jive with their standards for Java. While Sun seems to have their glowing visions of Java being used for applications on just about every platforn you could think of, they decided that Microsoft was evil for going and customizing their Java implementation with stuff Specific to the Windows platform (of course, one coudl say that both Microsoft and Sun declared each other to be evil years ago, but that's a different story.) Sun's ultimate goal seems to be to remove Java from IE4 altogether
To the untrained observer of the high-tech industry, this seems to be just another battle over intellectual property rights, but under the surface, it is a lot more than that. Deep down, jsut about everyone in the industry except Microsoft would like nothing better than to see Microsoft disappear from the face of the Earth. and just about all of them (and a few other people, such as a significant chunk of the US government) are guessing that Microsoft would like nothing better than for them to disappear from the face of the Earth. Sun's latest ploy, as seen from that perspective, is more than just an attempt to take the java out of IE4, but part of a greater plan to remove Microsoft from the Internet, and eventually, the industry altogether, which they could then fill up with el cheapo NCs and ridiculously expensive servers... Not surprisingly, big expensive servers happen to be one of the things that Sun makes a lot of.
When it all boils down, however, what remains of all this hype about Java? Sure, it's supposed to be cross-platform, with Sun's little 100% Pure Java(tm) standard. And sure, it seems to have been the object of much hype about being the next wave of Internet technology (people seem to have been saying that since Java was first thrust on the Internet public...) and I will say that Java does have it's place. It just happens that that place is not inside a nuclear power plant, in the air traffic control tower, or in a life support system. One of the few things that both Microsoft and Sun agree on with Java is that is sure as heck isn't safe to use on anything that might jepoardize life or limb (or create an extra limb or two, it appears) if something goes wrong. I know that if I was on life support, I probably wouldn't want to see an "Object doesn't support this property" error appear in my final fading seconds of Java-shortened life. What it amounts to is that the two companies probably don't want each other throwing stuff into their Java implementation that their nemesis could use to fling errant planes at their corporate headquarters, or causing nuclear meltdowns in the immediate area... Of course, nobody said anything about using Java in weapons guidance systems, which leads Redmondians to wonder if maybe we should be thinking about adding that bomb shelter to the basement sometime soon?
Of course, complex problems always have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers, and as far as I am concerned, this one is no exception to that rule. Therefore, I have come up with my solution to this whole Java crisis. The whole thing should be turned over to a company that is experienced in the use and distribution of Java, and knows all of the various forms, and how to get them to interact in harmony with each other. This company should be well established, and has applied Java to numerous situations throughout their history. From this description of an ideal company to handle standards for Java, I can only really come up with one good match: Starbucks. Sure, one may argue that Starbucks has little, if any, experience with computers, but hey, they've been dishing out Java for over 20 years now (longer than even Sun has been pouring the stuff!) and show no signs of stopping. Around here in Seattle, one is never more than a block or two from a Starbucks. Where else can one find a cup of Java that won't run into platform compatibilities (unless, of course, you spill it all over yourself) yet still comes in all manner of flavors and quite a few different shades of brown, even some black shades... And even though there are a couple of conflicts of intrest in this case (Starbucks is the exclusive coffee supplier to Microsoft) they still would be able to handle Java a whole lot better than Sun has shown that they can.
And now, to quote several old Monty Python episodes in one fell swoop, for something completely different. I am sure that quite a few of you out there have already downloaded Internet Explorer 4.0, or maybe some of you forked out the dough to buy it on a CD-ROM. Now that some of you may have found *gasp* useful purposes for the thing, it's time for something thoroughly useless that you can do with Internet Explorer. From Skinny DuBaud of the NEWS.COM Rumor Mill comes this easter egg to be found in Internet Explorer 4: containing the names of all the developers, as well as a few snide comments most people outside of Microsoft are not likely to get:
Select "Help" from the main menu. You'll see "About Internet Explorer," and a dialog box will pop up. While holding the Ctrl and Shift keys, use your left mouse button to select the IE logo and then drag it all the way to the left. Next, while still holding the keys down, move the logo to the right, going over the "Microsoft IE 4.0" black text. A button will then be revealed that says "Unlock." Click it. If the IE logo is not already over the earth, it will merely rumble, but if it is moved over the Earth or is already there, it will open a new window, revealing a long list of credits about the makers of IE 4.0, as well as a few inside jokes.