In addition, I expect to add a new soundcard to Lazarus before too long also. By chamce, I happen to stumble onto their Web site at www.mediavis.com not too long ago. Back in their short heyday, they made some of the better soundcards on the market such as the Pro Audio Spectrum line. Sometime a couple of years ago, they went bankrupt, and many people (including myself) assumed that they were never to be heard from again. They were bought out by another company not too long after, and in fact, have since created several new products. They are selling several of these products quite cheaply from their Web site (if you can figure out exactly how you're supposed to order the thing,) so I decided to buy a ProZonic 16 board from them. When I get the thing, I'll write about how it turns out.
As for last week's column involving experiments with lusers, Packard Bells and locked rooms, not before the bits began to dry I was already being flamed on this one. People were quick to point out that I didn't follow the scientific method quite as well as they would of in this case. For one thing, it was pointed out that the experiment lacked a "control" subject. In this regard, it was suggested that a typical geek be given the same task of using a Packard Bell. It was speculated that for very different reasons, this would not work out. It is a well-known fact that any geek in his right mind would not actually use one of these so-called computers for what it was apparently intended for (it is rumored that in R&D at Packard Bell, some of the original geeks who came up with the ill-conceived plot of this whole thing in the first place still cling to the delusion that they can get away with this thing, and they now prey on the especially clueless lusers in the bunch, who are for the most part incapable of contributing any sort of useful work to society.) Looking in retrospect, it might be interesting to see what kind of results come from geek-PB interactions. I would even be willing to provide the explosives for such a test (although to do this in a locked room would be a horrible waste of a geek.)
Another mentioned possibility was executing the same experiment with one of those kinda' computer-like thingies that they call a Macintosh. Sure, for some of us, the things make excellent doorstops (even though I could imagine that it would not be a pleasant experience to trip over one of the suckers) and have already been blown up by well-meaning geeks on occasion. Of course, a luser without the technical know-how to find the on/off switch without more than two calls to tech support may actually still mistake the thing for a computer. his in itself may make for an interesting experiment. If not that, it might be fun to watch for a couple of hours at least.
Ok, by now I figure that a lot of you are beginnign to wonder where heck the title to this week's column came from. You're all guessing that by this time either I am babbling incoherently about everything and nothing all at once, or I have been spending too much time in reality lately. For those of you who are thinking this, I can assure you that I am getting to it, except for the fact that I have to keep explaining what I am doing to the now seriously militant readers... That said, I am probably wasiting electrons by now, so I'll try to get to the point. In the past few weeks, I have been coming down on the lusers pretty hard. This is probably not a good idea, as many of us actually get paid by the lusers simply because we can locate the on switch on our computers (and most of us can actually do other stuff with the machines. Some of us can actually even use Windows! This in itself makes it a wondeer that one could actually get paid for this stuff (I mean, what practical use is there for Windows anyway?)
Yes, the lusers out there can be pretty stupid at times, especially in regards to the existence of any semblance pf practical use for computers in the first place. In the course of a recent venture into reality for research purposes (which was, BTW, so well disguised that even the other people in the boat misinterpeted it as being a fishing trip.) In doing so, I have actually found a species of fish that has a factor of stupidity far below that of the average luser. There is something of a story to this, so I will allow a pause while everyone runs to grab the pillow (and if you happen to be reading this from work, why in the3 heck are you reading this silly column on company time? in that case, I hope your boss walks by right about now and sees that you are reading this, and that because of this, you end up beinging 5 million plastiuc forks for the company picnic.)
Anyway, these slightly mythical creatures I talk about are flatfish in their many forms. I can equate the experience of reeling one of these in as being the equivilent of pulling up a brick on a fishing line, but with half the IQ. Anyway, practically every time you put your line down, one of these things would immediately grab the sucker, probably expecting a free ride to the sirface as well as lunch. These were the ones that we cut up to use as bait. Not surprisingly, these fish (collectively referred to as "flounder" around here, even though many of them actually fall into the sole family) would bite just as well when Uncle Ned was being used as bait as it would when we used herring. Basically my point is that there are actually some things out there that almost make some of the lusers appear to have some semblance of intelligence. It's a scary thought...