Everybody dreams of the day when computers will be perfect. It seems like a good idea at the time, but to be blunt, the existence of a perfect computer would put modern society out of a job, and possibly right back to the dark ages. We're fortunate that we have such companies as Microsoft, IBM, Apple, Sun and the myriad of clone makers who keep all of the computer geeks from having to say "Would you like fries with that?" for a living. All in all, the basic pattern of the industry seems to go something like this:
This whole column got started one dark and stormy night, when I was staring at my computer and became enlightened. It was at that very moment that I figured out once and for all that this whole "computer" thing was nothing more than a cruel joke inflicted on society (or at least the Macintosh is, anyway.) Having used everything from the imfamous TRS-80 to Crays that generate enough heat to contribute significantly to global warming, and almost enough computing power to handle Windows95 at a decent speed, I have no idea why it took this long. Armed with this bit of knowledge, I decided to share my amazing discovery with everyone. (sonuds kinda' like an infomercial, doesn't it?) Since then, this sight has turned into a nice little virtual piggy bank to deposit my $0.02 worth into every week.
Here in my den in Redmond, Washington (the home of Microsoft and Nintendo) with a sweeping view of the shopping center below, we have three PCs. That in itself should be a sign of trouble brewing. It gets worse from there. When they are networked, they gain the ability to conspire with each other (and yes, all three have simultaneously flipped out before.) Blend in four or five different operating systems (DOS, Windows 3.11, Windows 95, Windows NT 3.51 wrkstation and Linux, and that's only one system. . .) and you have a recipe for disaster. Certianly, the environs of the den provide the right atmosphere. All too frequently, there are times in the den where none of the three systems have their case on. The den is so far from being organized that even the floppy organizers are strewn about the place. If you ever happen to visit the den, don't forget to bring your hard hat. The place is less organized than some web sites out there. As I fight the neverending batle of the continuous upgrade process on a shoestring budget, I will keep a record of my attempts ot beat these three machines into submission.
As I said earlier, it can be very funny to watch computers go down the tubes, especially when it's someone else's system. Unfortunately, the possibility of nuclear meltdown is a very real threat to all of us on the Internet. Here in the den, all of the appropriate safety precautions have been taken for just such an emergency. Lead suits are kept in an easily accessible place, and a gieger counter is also kept handy. If this column ever stops getting written, try to stay away from Redmond for a half-life or so, just to be on the safe side.